Narcissus
I know it's a pride thing with all our sex -
this is about the only stretch that's straight
and you can see the way ahead is clear
so put your foot down – that you've got to pass
at the first attempt, 'cos it makes you look
good in front of the girls and every mate.
Watch out! Bloody road hog - and up yours, mate -
I don't know why they say the fairer sex
are the worst drivers – depends on how you look
at it. But let me give it to you straight:
there's one thing that, if you're going to pass
this test, I must make absolutely clear.
Don't think a swift backhander will clear
it - the examiner is not your mate
and likely can't be bribed to let you pass
with cash (or some promise of backseat sex:
the tester might be bent – or could be straight
and female, but you cannot trust your luck).
So here's the no-fail trick: make sure you look
full in your mirror. Make it really clear -
not just a glance but move your head from straight
to side: not like you're chatting to a mate,
more like chatting up the opposite sex -
you know, as if you're going to make a pass.
Take my advice and you're certain to pass.
It's easy. All you have to do is look
to the left each time you think about sex,
that is, every six seconds, leaving clear
five for the road ahead – oh, cheers, mate -
give him a wave – and keep your fingers straight.
The lad took Fast Pass Freddie’s lesson straight
on board. Result? It caused his love to pass
from she he'd sworn forever his soul mate
to one whose eyes meet his with every look.
No longer is it her sweet face so clear
before him, one second in every six.
His likeness now returns each sideways look
and in his mind the vision does not pass.
It’s clear who he loves most; now she’s his ex.